WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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