I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
