How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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