Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
