do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
