I cannot find my penis.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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