just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
