Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The power of my boobs compel you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
