then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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