he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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