please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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