We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
