I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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