I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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