Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I love you.
Bad choice
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
