I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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