If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
