Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
