So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
