I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
