I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
