Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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