I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
