I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
