I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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