i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
