He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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