when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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