Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
