Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize