I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
