So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
