found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
