Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
