Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
