I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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