dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
