We're facebook friends in real life
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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