I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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