he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
