we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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