I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
