So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
