can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
