Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
