i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
