I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
