You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
