Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
3pm strippers are depressing
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
