Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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