piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
