it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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