I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
