I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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