I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
