whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
