I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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