Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
