Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
