The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
