Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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