i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
