We need to rekindle our bromance
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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