I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
