So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
