I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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