I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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